


Giving Up? Or Reaching Out?

by SterekAndMarvelPhan



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I hate sad endings, I'm still crying over endgame, I've decided-freeform, M/M, Multi, Poetry, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sleeping Pills, Suicide Attempt, Werefox Stiles Stilinski, mentions of a gun, most likely a happy ending, possible happy ending, sterek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 23:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20144104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SterekAndMarvelPhan/pseuds/SterekAndMarvelPhan
Summary: He's tired. He's tired of Scotts crap and the way he treats him. He's tired of being the last choice, of never being good enough. He's tired of being a burden, of being useless. He used to be good for his brain, at least, but now they go to Lydia or Peter or Chris. Now he's good for nothing. He's tired of being a burden to his father, to his pack, and to his Alpha, Derek Hale. He's tired of living a life of sadness, nightmares, insomnia and depression. He's just tired.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings for:  
Mentions of a gun  
Mentions of alcohol  
Mentions of a suicide attempt  
Mentions of intent to overdose

The rain is falling, pouring,  
Cold like tiny knives of ice.  
The wind is howling, roaring,  
Grip tightening like a vice.

You're just standing there, still, staring,  
Your scowl scaring me to the bone.  
Yet my heart to you I'm baring,  
And I've never felt so alone.

At you I'm yelling, loudly,  
Though I really want to run.  
Yet my mind I speak, proudly,  
As I know this must be done.

Why do you never show your smiles?  
Your frown permanently in place.  
For one I'd run a thousand miles,  
As it causes my heart to race.

Do you not know how much I need you?  
Don't you see that my life you have saved?  
Do you not see how much I love you?  
How, for you my heart has been enslaved? 

Darling, you are my everything,  
You are what keeps me even slightly sane.  
Pulling my heart to you with string,  
As I'm standing here in the rain!

You have no idea what I'm thinking,  
Yelling about your willingness to die.  
All the while my heart is quickly sinking,  
With me just wanting to break down and cry!

I guess this might be my last goodbye so… Goodbye.  
  
Sincerely Stiles;  
A love struck, broken boy  
with no hope and no  
chance with the man he  
loves.

P.S. I know you probably won't even read any of this, you'll probably just rip it to shreds with your claws and bake it in your little 'wolf oven as soon as you catch my scent on it, but I just had to say it one last time… I love you more than anything in this universe. (Even curly fries.)  


####################################################################################################

  
As I finish writing my letter to Derek I fold it up and place it in the envelope with the tears racing from my eyes, down my cheeks and onto the paper. 

Tonight’s not the night. I still have a few things I need to do before I take that leap. I just, I need to see Scotty once more, even if he doesn’t acknowledge me or want to hang. I know he doesn’t do it on purpose, he’s just to wrapped in Isaac. Who knows, maybe that’ll just make my decision even easier. I also need to drop off my letter, and spend the morning with dad. It’s going to hurt him the most, and I know he’ll miss me, but he’s got Melissa now, she’ll take care of him. I just need to do these three things before I pull the trigger. Hopefully none of them catch onto what I need to do tomorrow, but it’s not like anyone knows of the vodka hiding under my bed, or that my sleeping pills prescribed to help me with nightmares are going to help me in another way.

No one knows of the gun I borrowed from my father, hiding locked up in a box in my closet.

No one knows tomorrow will be my last day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Kudos and comments are welcome and loved.
> 
> [Support Me on Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/Y8Y210Q1Y)


	2. 1.2 Dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
Suicide Note

Hey, Dad

First things first, I’m sorry. I need you to know that I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault. I promise, you did the best that you could, and you were the best father anyone could ask for. No, the problem was me. I know that you did your best, but it was hard after mom died, but now you don’t have to worry anymore. The pills, the clothes, the food, it won’t be a problem anymore. I know you struggled, you tried to hide it, but you raised a curious, nosy son. 

Even though I’m gone, you can still go to the pack, they’ll help however they can. I don’t think any of them will care, except maybe Derek since he is the alpha, but they’ll still help you no matter what. I’ll need you to give them their letters for me. 

I love you, more than anything in this world. This is not your fault. I’m sorry. But you have Melissa now, you don’t need me to take care of you anymore, you won’t be alone now that I’m gone. Again, I love you. I’m going to see mom now. I love you.

Love,

Your little mischief,  
Mieczyslaw Stilinski.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Kudos and comments are welcome and loved.


	3. 1.3 Scott & Isaac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
Suicide Notes

Hey, Scott

I don’t really know what to tell you. Don’t blame yourself. I know we weren’t as close as we use to be, but that’s okay. You found better people, and I understand, I wouldn’t really want to hang out with the hyperactive spaz either. 

I really hope that you and Isaac figure it out soon. He likes you to, you know. I Can tell by the way he looks at you, it’s the same way that I look at Derek. Just ask him out, I promise he’ll say yes. Now, keep this page and give the next to Isaac, but don’t read it, please.

Love you, Scotty, see you on the other side.

Stiles.

Hey, Isaac

I hope this letter gets to you. I want you to know that this isn’t your fault, nor is it Scott’s or anyone else’s, other than mine. I wasn’t good enough, or smart enough. I know that. I don’t blame you guys. But I do need you to know that Scott feels the same, but he might not have the guts to tell you. Give it a chance, don’t let me get in the way.

Love you, pup.

Stiles.


	4. Chapter One

I wake up panting and confused. My mind is a mess and at first, I have no idea where I am or what’s going on, but as I look around I realise that I’m in my room and it’s three am. This has been a common occurrence over the last few months, me waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. They never get any easier, in fact, they seem to get harder and harder to deal with every night, but I’ve got a method that seems to ease the ache in my chest pretty well.

I stay in bed for a few minutes, listening to see if my father has gotten home early, as he has been working the night shift lately, whenever he wasn’t pulling doubles. Not hearing anything, I get up and look out my window, and when I don’t see the cruiser, I relax. Being alone makes it easier to do what I have to do. I walk up to my bookshelf and reach for the hidden box containing my blades, before I go and lock my bedroom door, just in case dad does come home early for some reason. 

I go to sit back on my bed, pull up my sleeves and bring the blade to my wrist. I make a few cuts as I start to recall the dream. It always starts the same way, with me in the woods, just like the night the shit show known as my life got worse, but unlike then, I’m not human, no, in these dreams I always seem to be a fox, and I have no recollection of my past or who I am, I’m just a normal fox in my mind. As I’m walking, I notice that I’m heading towards a familiar house. It’s large, with lots of noise and smells coming from inside. I reach the door and start pawing at it until it opens. I am immediately bombarded by the smell of wolves and one other fox, but it isn’t overwhelming, it’s comforting. 

When I walk further into the house, I see a familiar woman holding an equally familiar child of about five years old. As he notices me, he begins to wriggle in the woman’s arms until she lets him down, and as he walks towards me she tells the child to ‘be careful Stiles’, but another, regal looking woman who smells like wolf tells her that it’s okay, I’m safe. Next thing I know I’m playing with a young child who has a very familiar name, though I don’t know why I recognize it, I don’t know any animals with names. I don’t even have a name, not in the dream anyway.

As we’re playing, I hear the two women talking. I don’t really understand much, due to my young age, but I hear most of the conversation; it’s about the child, who I know, in my waking state, is actually me as a child. The regal lady, who I later learn is Talia asks the woman if she’ll be okay. The mom, my mom, says that she still has another few years left. Talia asks if there is anything she can do to help, knowing that it’s hard for a human mother to care for a were fox and that its slowly killing her. At this, I realize that, no matter what anyone else has tried to tell me, it really was my fault that she died, that I was too much for her to handle. This is when the dream either changes, or ends. Tonight, it continued with something new.

As the dream shifts, I’m outside of the sheriff’s station, still as a fox, though I am older now, about fourteen, and I can understand what I hear. I walk around and see my father talking to some of his deputies. I hear one of them ask about me, and how things have been going. My dad replies that it’s hard on him, that he loves me with all his heart, but it’s been hard trying to take care of me without Claudia around to help. He tells them about the trouble I kept getting into at school, and how much the Adderall costs, saying that he’s had to start taking on more and more shifts in order to pay for it and food and clothes. Hearing this I realize that I’m nothing but a burden on him, and upon waking up, that realization just makes my decision a hell of a lot easier.

Coming out of my thoughts, I look down at my arms. They’re covered in red with about ten new lines on each one. I go to the bathroom at the end of the hall and turn on the light. I wet a face cloth with hot water and rinse the blood off my arms, before I reach into the counter for the first aid kit. I take out some gauze and wrap it around each arm, before I pick everything up. This all takes about twenty minutes as some of the blood had dried in spots, but I finally head back to my room and look out my window for a few minutes, just basking in the breeze, knowing that this will likely be the last time I’ll ever feel it. After that, I crawl into bed and close my eyes to try and get a little more sleep, not that it really matters.

I’ll be gone tomorrow anyway.  


What I didn’t realize at the time was that my window had been closed when I went to the bathroom, what I didn’t see were the red eyes staring at me from the woods, and what I didn’t yet know was that the next day, I was about to deal with decisions and crying. I was going to have to lie my ass off in order to not hurt the people that I loved, though I didn’t realize that anyone loved me enough to care and want to keep me around. I didn’t know that I had anyone left to love me in life.  



	5. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suicide Attempt

After what feels like about five minutes of sleep, I wake up to my father knocking on my door. “Stiles? Son, it’s time to wake up, or you’re going to be late!” Looking over at my clock, squinting so that I can see, I realise that I only have twenty-five minutes before I need to be in class.

“Morning dad. I’m up, I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast, just let me get dressed!” I’ll at least have one more breakfast with him before I go. 

“Sorry, Stiles, but I won’t be able to do breakfast today.” Never mind. “Parrish called in sick, so we don’t have enough people, but I should be back for breakfast tomorrow, we can have waffles. I’ll call before you go to bed. Love you, son.” Hearing his words, my heart drops. I won’t be able to have breakfast tomorrow, and I won’t be seeing him again.

My heart aches, and I want to run out and hug him one more time, but I know that will only rouse suspicion, so instead, I take a deep breath and calm my voice as much as I can. “Okay, dad. Love you to, stay safe.”

“See you tomorrow son, have a good day.” And he walks down the stairs, walks out the door, and heads to the station, unaware that he’ll never see his son again, that he’ll never see me, again.

I roll over in bed and shut my eyes, only to open them twenty minutes later. I go to sit up, but am hit with a dizzy, nauseating feeling. I must have overdone it last night, and I definitely shouldn’t be at school in this condition, so I decide to stay home. Maybe Scott can ditch and come over, it would be nice to see him one more time. I call him up. “Hey, Stiles. What’s up?” Wow, I’m shocked he actually answered.

“Hey, Scott. I was wondering if you could hang out. It’s been a while, and I don’t feel the greatest, so I thought we could play some video games and just hang like old times.”

“Sorry Stiles,” I seem to be hearing that a lot today. “I already promised Isaac that I would spend the day with him, you know how it is. Maybe tomorrow?” Yeah, sure, even if I were here tomorrow, you would still be too busy with your head up Isaac’s ass again, anyway, is what I want to say, but instead I just reassure that it’s fine and that I’ll see him tomorrow, before hanging up. I guess I won’t be seeing anyone today, so I decide that I’ll just go back to sleep, maybe that’ll help the dizziness. 

Two hours later, I wake up to a growling stomach, but decide not to eat anything. Things will go faster on an empty stomach. I slide out of bed and reach under it, pulling out a box with two choices. A peaceful one, and a fast one. I open the lid think over my decision, before pulling out the pills and vodka, leaving the gun where it is. I stand back up, change into my comfiest pajamas, and sit on the bed. I swallow a handful of pills and chase it down with the vodka, repeating this a few times until the pills are gone. I empty the vodka, and place both bottles on the nightstand and get under the blankets, shutting my eyes and waiting for the pain of living to go away. My last thoughts before I fall asleep are of Dad, Derek, Scott, and the pack. 

‘Goodbye, guys. I love you all. I’ll be with mom soon.’

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to rewrite this story. I hate how I wrote it the first time. My writing was atrocious, so I'm giving it a second shot. I hope it's better this time around. Let me know what you think, Kudos and comments are welcome, and I love constructive criticism.
> 
> [Support Me on Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/Y8Y210Q1Y)


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